A list of puns related to "Moaning"
All these people moaning about Covid restrictions...
They need to get out more.
My neighbours complained about me groaning and moaning too loudly while having sex in the morning.
If only they knew, I was just trying to put my socks on.
My son moaned at me that I was addicted to coffee.
I gave him a roasting and then told him he was grounded.
As I ran my finger down her G string, she moaned:
"Give me back my guitar!"
Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops
They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.
Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.
As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.
They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.
Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?
They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.
"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".
They found the basem*nt staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.
But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.
The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.
And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!
Now at the basem*nt door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?
"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"
In the center of the basem*nt lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and
I was attacked by a vegetarian zombie
He kept moaning "GRRAIIIIIIIIINNNNS."
How do I make my wife moan and groan in the bedroom at night?
I read her r/dadjokes
A man moaned about his aching leg, whilst training for the marathon.
“Don’t worry about it” his friend said, “it’ll be worth it in the long run”
Got my entire class to moan with this one!
My Ecology professor was talking about Iguanas that freeze and fall from trees. So I raised my hand in a class of 150 people and said "I don't believe you, Iguana see it!
It’s not a real economic downturn until people stop buying pre-shredded cheese.
That’s the start of the grate depression
Just got a moan from my girlfriend...
Apparently I've gotten better since our first time.
What's the difference between a dad joke and an uncle joke?
Whether you groan or moan
I like the smell of my wife whenever she complains about justifiable points
I really like her fairer moans
Another why the chicken crossed the road
Me: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Friend: Why?
Me: To visit the town idiot.
A few minutes later...
Me: Knock, Knock.
Friend: Who’s there?
Me: The Chicken
You moan now but I suspect you are already planning to use this one.
Why are women attracted to mummies?
Pharaoh Moans.
Two friends are sitting in the bar drowning in their miseries......
The first one goes "I lost everything with my divorce, wealth, mansion, cars, bank balance etc. and here I am sharing a rented apartment with you. Nothing can be worse than this."
The second one assures him that his situation is much worse than him.
"How??" Demands the first one.
"Well I had a booming business and all the riches" he moaned. "Then it all came crashing down, with losses incurring, I lost my wealth, mansion, cars, bank balance etc. And here I am sharing a rented apartment with you."
"How's your situation worse than mine" growled the first one.
"You see my friend" sighed the second one "I still have my wife!"
Chinese synthesize new element which causes a 500% increase rate of panda mating
It's panda-moan-ium.
When does a joke become a Dad joke?
When it becomes apparent.
Why do Norway's naval ships have barcodes printed on their sides?
So they can Scandinavian.
What did ancient Egyptian kings use to attract females?
Pharaoh moans.
How did Michael Jackson know when his girlfriend was having a good time during sex?
She-moan-a
Got my wife this morning
We were getting ready for work and I smacked her on the ass. She said "you better watch yourself." I proceeded to stare at my arm until she moaned and walked away.
I told my kids we would watch the shortened version of Moana the other day.
Lessana!
Our waitress lastnight had an interesting accent...
Eventually my Dad said "I think she's Russian." Without missing a beat I replied "huh, she doesn't seem to be that busy." Cue loud groans and moans from the rest of the table.
Senior sex
The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."Yes, she says, "I remember it well."
OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"
"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
My dad has found a new way of cutting the grass.
He tells dad jokes until the lawns moan.
A classic I got to use last night
wife: do you want any of this cheese i just shredded for your taco?
me: oh, no thanks.
wife: why not?
me: just don't want any... not trying to be ungrateful
got a moan and an eye roll.
Dating me is like ingesting NH3
Either way, you'll end up with A Moan In Ya.
I've always made them but this one got me some good recognition
I have always made dad jokes, when my fiancé got pregnant I was happy because I could get away with saying them now. I was at training for my new job the other day and we were booked in for lunch at a local steakhouse.
The trainer was asking us about stake holders in the company and she said who are our stake holders? To which I replied "I don't know but I will be a steak holder at lunch" the rest of the class then all moaned and let me know how I was such a dad except for the other dad in the class who joined me laughing hysterically!
This incredible series of events happened yesterday...
We were in pre-service prayer time hanging out for everyone to come into the room when this conversation.
Pastor 1: "John and I were getting donuts and discussing theology..."
Pastor 2 (from another church): "glad you were having donuts, they're a holy food."
Pastor 1: "man, that joke is really sweet."
Pastor 3: "man, you guys are really on a roll."
I laughed, their were many moans and eye rolls.
You can call me the endocrine system
Because I can make a whor* moan
My pop's roommate at the hospital, recovering
Just wheeled in from surgery, transferred to hospital bed. Dude's laying in his bed, moaning.
Nurse is all, sir are you ok?
Ohhhhhhhhhhh.
Are you in pain, sir?
Moannnnnnn.
Sir, can you tell me what hurts?
It's my wallet…
What's the difference between a dad joke and an uncle joke?
Whether you groan or moan.
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